I recently shared an experience I had – a series of events (and perhaps a little bit of hormones!) – that made me to believe that I’m a bad mom. I had a bad, BAD day. OK, perhaps I’m being a bit generous. I had a series of bad days.
I was fighting with all of our (4) children. Our 7-year old had been practising for their school concert for weeks, and it was the week of the performances. We were in bed late every evening. I knew she was tired. But the moaning…
Our 5-year old is our only son. A busy, loud, messy, boy. Need I say more? He has such a gentle heart, but oh, that boy is busy. And messy. And loud. My poor senses were overloaded!
Now the little threenager is a mommy’s girl. Her love-language is quality time. She does not like to go play by herself. She does not enjoy watching TV unless you’re sitting next to her. She also loves exploring mom’s make-up, mom’s shoes, mom’s earrings, mom’s paperwork, mom’s cupboards…and hiding them under her bed. So when you’re not giving her the attention she wants…the mischievousness comes out exponentially.
And little one had a couple bad nights with fever and teething.
I was done. Irritable. Fed-up. Not the good, fun, patient mom I normally am. And my kids felt it. After one such scolding, my three-year old came to me in tears and said I broke her heart. “Dis stukkend.”, she said between sobs.
OUCH.
Can you feel how my heart just sank and the mom-guilt rushed in like a tidal wave? Completely washed me over. “I am a bad mom.”, I said to myself. Over and over. “This moment right here, this is what my children will remember about what type of mom I am.”
But in the deepest, quietest part of my soul, I heard a Voice tell me something different. He said:
“You are a great mom. You are wonderfully made. You are blessed. Highly favoured. And worthy. And teaching your children to be great human beings.”
And with so many voices and sensory inputs, and hormones and things that seem to need my focus and attention, it was like God was oh-so-gently, but firmly reminding me that having a bad day does not make me a bad mom. I am not a failure.
So today, I want to to let you know that you are an incredible mom. No, I don’t know you. I don’t know how many times you’ve asked you child to “just go play…” I don’t know how many showers you’ve taken with tears rolling down your face because you are just so utterly exhausted. And I don’t know if others have told you and made you believe you’re not a good mom.
The truth:
But I do know the One who made you. And He says you are not a failure. He says you are worth far more than rubies. He says you are loved. Precious. Strong. Highly favoured. A GOOD MOM.
Of all the moms in the whole wide world, in all the times from the beginning of the world, He chose you as the BEST option because He knew no one else would be a better fit for those children of yours. No one else would make a better mom to him than you. So take a moment. Breathe. Thank Him for creating you for such a time as this. Know that He’s got you. And that you are a good Mom.
Love,
Simone
My name is Simone and I am a mom of four, wife to one, and I blog about the joys and experience of living life as a large family.
Great read, thank you! I have 2 at the moment and have felt the need to have another for a few weeks now. But I’m so on the fence about going through the whole baby phase again. I literally change my mind everyday. Im kind of hoping I just get given so I don’t have a choice .
You should absolutely ready my Planning is Relative blog post. 🙂 But what a great mom you already are, Kajal!
I already have.. And it’s helped a lot! ❤️.. I actually meant to comment on that post instead of this one lol. ♀️
Hey Simone,
What a great post! I have felt like this only one time, but instead of Him telling me these things, it was my boyfriend’s mom. She could see how stressed I was, and she knew the feeling. Mom’s need to stick together! Tell her she’s a good mom, it goes a long way.
Ugh, I so needed this today! Being a mom is hard, and it’s difficult to not let bad days make you feel like you’re failing them. I have to remember to be kinder to myself.
Oh I’m so glad <3 Be kinder!
Thank you for posting this! It’s a really great reminder. <3
You’re such a great mom!
Simone so honest and relatable! I think every Momma needs to read this and remember a bad day does not a mother make!! Thanks for sharing.
this is the best comment ever. im so glad you could relate xx
I loved this! Thank you much. This is such a great reminder.
We all need these from time to time, right?
Thank you for this! I only have one, myself but I also live with disabling chronic migraine. There are more days than I care to admit that I feel like a bad mom because of all the factors it brings. I try and remember that I am human too, and it’s ok for my daughter to see that. I know she’s a happy baby, so I must be doing something right! It’s still nice to read pieces like this to help remind you though!
Oh, i can’t even begin to imagine how hard it must be for you at times, but you are an incredible mom and she is one lucky girl to have you love her a much as you do.
Great post! I’ve had the “you’re the worst mom” thoughts before and this is a great reminder that all you can do is your best and to just keep on going and loving your babies.
We all have those days, but it’s important to remember the difference between fact and truth. The truth always remains; you love your children and you are a good mom.
What a beautiful post! Thank you for these important reminders and great self-affirmations!
thank you, we should be speaking more kindly to our own hearts. what if our children started speaking to themselves the way we speak to ourselves…?
Bad days suck. We have to treat ourselves the way we would treat a friend who had a bad day. We wouldn’t let them even consider that they were a bad mom, so why say that to ourselves!? This is a great reminder to also love and take care of yourself too. We can only do our best.
EXACTLY. Wow. We need to treat ourselves with the same kindness we would show others.
Oh MAN have I been there before, and I only have one child!! Thankfully we aren’t defined by a single day, hour, moment, or emotion. As moms, I think it’s possible to experience a different emotion or mood almost every single minute of the day. It’s such a delicate and complex position, motherhood. Thanks for reminding us all of the truth!
You’re right – motherhood is one of the most complex emotional, mental and physical journeys I’ve ever been on. But I still would not exchange it for anything.
Absolutely does not but as a child, I am sure my preteen daughter thinks so. Please pray for me as we go through the teenage years!