(Because Justin Timberlake can only bring sexy back a limited amount of times)

If you could go back to any time in your life where you felt most sexy, your mom-phase would probably not be it. Oh how I wish at times that I could go back to that first year of marriage – my body was bangin’ (Is that how the kids still talk?) and I knew the beautiful ways my body curved.

My body still curves. Only in ways that jelly curves… Sexy jelly, obviously.

I’m not saying I’ll never get that body back, but these stretch-marks (battle scars) and c-section lines are here to stay. I’m good with that. Because this mom is bringing sexy back.

Feeling sexy is 80% in your mind and 20% what your body looks like. We could easily blame hormones, skin, headaches, bloating, pimples, kids, work, bad moods, bad hair or bad lightning. But I have felt sexy for no apparent reason, fetching the mail in my pyjamas and slippers. And have felt equally unsexy in a short cocktail dress with make-up and hair done.

mama feeling naturally sexy

So how does this mom of four children under the age of 7 bring her sexy back? Having kids around might cramp your style a little, but it doesn’t have to mean you’ve signed a chastity agreement for the next 18 years. Here are my tips.

 

DON’T OVERLOOK THE POWER OF SEXY TEXTING

Men also want to feel wanted. And they also want to hear it. Texting your husband in the middle of the day to remind him of that one time he did that one thing that made you go over the edge… Memory is a powerful thing.

sexy text

 

INCLUDE YOUR (SEXY) SENSES

When we got married, I received the best advice that I’ve freely passed on to all other newly weds. Find a “sex perfume” and use it only for those occasions. Make it a special one. Mine is one with a name that makes me feel like I’m on top of the world.

Once, my husband was visiting friends, when the one friend’s wife came home and as she passed him, he smelled my scent. She was wearing the same perfume. He came home so much sooner than planned. 😉 Your senses are powerful.

spray sexy perfume

 

PRIORITISE NON-SEXUAL TOUCH

After I had my babies, I was absolutely “touched-out” and started resenting being touched by my husband. Even if it was non-sexual, I just did not want it. Until my husband told me he understands, but misses just holding my hand. I had to be vulnerable as well and tell him how I felt. I needed my back to be tickled without feeling I needed to be ready for sex as well. It’s so important to touch your partner without it being a means to an end.

So we started making non-sexual touching a priority. We were sending the message, “I’m touching you because I love you, not because I want sex from you.” Holding hands. Gently placing a kiss in his neck. Foot massage. Snuggling in bed. Place your hand on his thigh when driving. Play with his/her hair as you watch a movie.

We absolutely believe it’s good for our kids to see us being playful and love each other. French kiss when he walks in the door. Grab his butt while making dinner. Normalize it from the beginning and it will also help them grow into sexually healthy adults.

 

Sexy kissing in front of kids

 

DATE YOUR SPOUSE

Make non-negotiable dates in your calendar to spend one-on-one time with your spouse. (Read more) Plan the date (even if it’s just a new place for breakfast). Dress up. Brush your hair. Wear the sexiest underwear you own. Buy some, if you don’t have. Leave your children with gran, and pretend for an hour of two that it is just two of you. And listen to your spouse, even if you don’t understand a word they’re saying. (Try being married to an IT man.)

 

I know that having little kids means making some adjustments, but sexy will fit in wherever you let it. So go on, Mom, bring that sexy back.

Sexy Mama4

 

Love,

Simone

30 replies
  1. Joanna
    Joanna says:

    I agree with you, it’s so important to continue dating your husband even after having children. Do not let the passion die just because your body doesn’t look like it used to be. Exactly, sexy is in your mind and in your attitude!

    Reply
  2. Jessica Taylor
    Jessica Taylor says:

    This is such a great post! Especially since I am a single mom Haha! Guess I need to get into my JT state of mind lol

    Reply
  3. Joan
    Joan says:

    This is really great, my son is just 6 months, and yes my scars are still there and not going anywhere so I think I just need to accept tweak some stuff and move on.

    Reply
  4. Amanda
    Amanda says:

    I loved reading this post because I can relate all too well. I am a semi new mom and being touched by my husband was something I wasn’t in the mood for. As you said, I was all touched out. I’m hoping to be as vulnerable as you were and make non-sexual touch a priority as well.

    Reply
  5. Anosa Malanga
    Anosa Malanga says:

    I agree with what you pointed out. Being married should not be the end of dating. You should make sure to nourish the time you have may it be with kids and most especially, your quality time for each other.

    Reply
    • Simone
      Simone says:

      Absolutely. Because at the end of it all, the things you have is not what matters. But rather, the people and the relationship with them. We should cherish and nourish our partners.

      Reply
  6. blair villanueva
    blair villanueva says:

    I agree on you about dating your spouse. I find it weird on some couples who don’t do that. They make marriage as the end of fun and sexual attraction to each other. Kids are just a good addition to the couple, it shouldn’t be the cause why they both change.

    Reply
    • Simone
      Simone says:

      I agree – kids shouldn’t be the cause of negative change – but sometimes it sneaks up on us. It is very important to take stock of your relationship every now and then to make sure you are prioritizing your marriage still.

      Reply
  7. Sundeep
    Sundeep says:

    No wonder Mommy bloggers and Influencers are so in demand. Mommys are real. Mommys are here to stay. More power to the tribe!

    Reply

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