(Because Justin Timberlake can only bring sexy back a limited amount of times)
If you could go back to any time in your life where you felt most sexy, your mom-phase would probably not be it. Oh how I wish at times that I could go back to that first year of marriage – my body was bangin’ (Is that how the kids still talk?) and I knew the beautiful ways my body curved.
My body still curves. Only in ways that jelly curves… Sexy jelly, obviously.
I’m not saying I’ll never get that body back, but these stretch-marks (battle scars) and c-section lines are here to stay. I’m good with that. Because this mom is bringing sexy back.
Feeling sexy is 80% in your mind and 20% what your body looks like. We could easily blame hormones, skin, headaches, bloating, pimples, kids, work, bad moods, bad hair or bad lightning. But I have felt sexy for no apparent reason, fetching the mail in my pyjamas and slippers. And have felt equally unsexy in a short cocktail dress with make-up and hair done.
So how does this mom of four children under the age of 7 bring her sexy back? Having kids around might cramp your style a little, but it doesn’t have to mean you’ve signed a chastity agreement for the next 18 years. Here are my tips.
DON’T OVERLOOK THE POWER OF SEXY TEXTING
Men also want to feel wanted. And they also want to hear it. Texting your husband in the middle of the day to remind him of that one time he did that one thing that made you go over the edge… Memory is a powerful thing.
INCLUDE YOUR (SEXY) SENSES
When we got married, I received the best advice that I’ve freely passed on to all other newly weds. Find a “sex perfume” and use it only for those occasions. Make it a special one. Mine is one with a name that makes me feel like I’m on top of the world.
Once, my husband was visiting friends, when the one friend’s wife came home and as she passed him, he smelled my scent. She was wearing the same perfume. He came home so much sooner than planned. 😉 Your senses are powerful.
PRIORITISE NON-SEXUAL TOUCH
After I had my babies, I was absolutely “touched-out” and started resenting being touched by my husband. Even if it was non-sexual, I just did not want it. Until my husband told me he understands, but misses just holding my hand. I had to be vulnerable as well and tell him how I felt. I needed my back to be tickled without feeling I needed to be ready for sex as well. It’s so important to touch your partner without it being a means to an end.
So we started making non-sexual touching a priority. We were sending the message, “I’m touching you because I love you, not because I want sex from you.” Holding hands. Gently placing a kiss in his neck. Foot massage. Snuggling in bed. Place your hand on his thigh when driving. Play with his/her hair as you watch a movie.
We absolutely believe it’s good for our kids to see us being playful and love each other. French kiss when he walks in the door. Grab his butt while making dinner. Normalize it from the beginning and it will also help them grow into sexually healthy adults.
DATE YOUR SPOUSE
Make non-negotiable dates in your calendar to spend one-on-one time with your spouse. (Read more) Plan the date (even if it’s just a new place for breakfast). Dress up. Brush your hair. Wear the sexiest underwear you own. Buy some, if you don’t have. Leave your children with gran, and pretend for an hour of two that it is just two of you. And listen to your spouse, even if you don’t understand a word they’re saying. (Try being married to an IT man.)
I know that having little kids means making some adjustments, but sexy will fit in wherever you let it. So go on, Mom, bring that sexy back.