(Because Justin Timberlake can only bring sexy back a limited amount of times)
If you could go back to any time in your life where you felt most sexy, your mom-phase would probably not be it. Oh how I wish at times that I could go back to that first year of marriage – my body was bangin’ (Is that how the kids still talk?) and I knew the beautiful ways my body curved.
My body still curves. Only in ways that jelly curves… Sexy jelly, obviously.
I’m not saying I’ll never get that body back, but these stretch-marks (battle scars) and c-section lines are here to stay. I’m good with that. Because this mom is bringing sexy back.
Feeling sexy is 80% in your mind and 20% what your body looks like. We could easily blame hormones, skin, headaches, bloating, pimples, kids, work, bad moods, bad hair or bad lightning. But I have felt sexy for no apparent reason, fetching the mail in my pyjamas and slippers. And have felt equally unsexy in a short cocktail dress with make-up and hair done.
So how does this mom of four children under the age of 7 bring her sexy back? Having kids around might cramp your style a little, but it doesn’t have to mean you’ve signed a chastity agreement for the next 18 years. Here are my tips.
DON’T OVERLOOK THE POWER OF SEXY TEXTING
Men also want to feel wanted. And they also want to hear it. Texting your husband in the middle of the day to remind him of that one time he did that one thing that made you go over the edge… Memory is a powerful thing.
INCLUDE YOUR (SEXY) SENSES
When we got married, I received the best advice that I’ve freely passed on to all other newly weds. Find a “sex perfume” and use it only for those occasions. Make it a special one. Mine is one with a name that makes me feel like I’m on top of the world.
Once, my husband was visiting friends, when the one friend’s wife came home and as she passed him, he smelled my scent. She was wearing the same perfume. He came home so much sooner than planned. 😉 Your senses are powerful.
PRIORITISE NON-SEXUAL TOUCH
After I had my babies, I was absolutely “touched-out” and started resenting being touched by my husband. Even if it was non-sexual, I just did not want it. Until my husband told me he understands, but misses just holding my hand. I had to be vulnerable as well and tell him how I felt. I needed my back to be tickled without feeling I needed to be ready for sex as well. It’s so important to touch your partner without it being a means to an end.
So we started making non-sexual touching a priority. We were sending the message, “I’m touching you because I love you, not because I want sex from you.” Holding hands. Gently placing a kiss in his neck. Foot massage. Snuggling in bed. Place your hand on his thigh when driving. Play with his/her hair as you watch a movie.
We absolutely believe it’s good for our kids to see us being playful and love each other. French kiss when he walks in the door. Grab his butt while making dinner. Normalize it from the beginning and it will also help them grow into sexually healthy adults.
DATE YOUR SPOUSE
Make non-negotiable dates in your calendar to spend one-on-one time with your spouse. (Read more) Plan the date (even if it’s just a new place for breakfast). Dress up. Brush your hair. Wear the sexiest underwear you own. Buy some, if you don’t have. Leave your children with gran, and pretend for an hour of two that it is just two of you. And listen to your spouse, even if you don’t understand a word they’re saying. (Try being married to an IT man.)
I know that having little kids means making some adjustments, but sexy will fit in wherever you let it. So go on, Mom, bring that sexy back.
Love,
Simone
My name is Simone and I am a mom of four, wife to one, and I blog about the joys and experience of living life as a large family.
I agree with you, it’s so important to continue dating your husband even after having children. Do not let the passion die just because your body doesn’t look like it used to be. Exactly, sexy is in your mind and in your attitude!
It’s hard, and takes effort to think yourself sexy at times, but totally worth it!
This is such a great post! Especially since I am a single mom Haha! Guess I need to get into my JT state of mind lol
Yes! Why not! Haha, sexy Mama!
This is really great, my son is just 6 months, and yes my scars are still there and not going anywhere so I think I just need to accept tweak some stuff and move on.
Go get your sexy on! (It might take a while, but just go buy some sexy underwear in the meantime…)
I need a date with my guy. It has been a busy month for us and we need to reconnect.
Go choose something you’ve never done before. Shake it up!
I think dating – no matter what part of your relationship you are in is a really important thing, making time for just the two of you.
You’re right! It absolutely is. Because any relationship needs time, attention and hard work.
Great post its good to know people think this way too.
I’m glad that you’re able to keep the spark alive! Whatever works 🙂
Whatever works! 😉
Without a doubt, sometimes having kids takes attention away from our relationship.
It does, so we have to be deliberate about spending quality time together
Feeling sexy is definitely all in your mind. It’s really about being confident in yourself!
xoxo
Annie
Yes it is! <3
I love the tips that you made. These are very helpful to all mommies. Thanks for sharing about this. Love it ♥
You are so welcome! We all need that reminder every now and then 🙂
I loved reading this post because I can relate all too well. I am a semi new mom and being touched by my husband was something I wasn’t in the mood for. As you said, I was all touched out. I’m hoping to be as vulnerable as you were and make non-sexual touch a priority as well.
Oooo… the touched-out part. I completely get ya, Mama! Hoping you get your sexy back also xxx
Not a mommy or a wife yet but I find thee tips helpful. I’ll share these with my sisters.
thanks – we all need to feel sexy at time when we don’t think we are 😉
These are great tips. I love the art of non sexual touching. It creates an intimacy that can be fun and flirty.
I agree with what you pointed out. Being married should not be the end of dating. You should make sure to nourish the time you have may it be with kids and most especially, your quality time for each other.
Absolutely. Because at the end of it all, the things you have is not what matters. But rather, the people and the relationship with them. We should cherish and nourish our partners.
I agree on you about dating your spouse. I find it weird on some couples who don’t do that. They make marriage as the end of fun and sexual attraction to each other. Kids are just a good addition to the couple, it shouldn’t be the cause why they both change.
I agree – kids shouldn’t be the cause of negative change – but sometimes it sneaks up on us. It is very important to take stock of your relationship every now and then to make sure you are prioritizing your marriage still.
No wonder Mommy bloggers and Influencers are so in demand. Mommys are real. Mommys are here to stay. More power to the tribe!
Oh I think I love you! 🙂 Power to the Mommies!
This post could not have come at a better time. I’m 12 weeks postpartum with my first and feeling sexy is nonexistent. I’m definitely going to need to implement your tips asap!
I’m so glad you could take something from my words. 12 weeks is absolutely still part of the non-sexy time, but if you’re ready, go for it! Do it for YOU, though 🙂