Do you feel who you are is good enough? Or do you also at times feel you should be doing more, saying more, getting more, giving more, living more…be more? I do. And it can be quite debilitating at times.
This question of “Am I good enough?” is a constant one in the back of my head. Am I good enough? Am I pretty enough? Am I working hard enough? Am I adding value to anyone’s life? Am I enough?
So as I told you earlier this week, I seriously took some time the last few of days to think my answers I normally give when someone asks me who I am.
Hi, my name is Simone. I am a wife and mother of four. I am a blogger. I own my own business. I enjoy make-up. Reading is one of my favourite hobbies. I have quite the sweet tooth. And I enjoy collecting shells or pretty pebbles on the beach.
But is this who I am? Are these the things that defines me? Do I find my identity in these facts?
If I had to take away all my make-up, would I still feel like me? If I no longer had my business, or if I could no longer blog, would I still be me? What if I went a step further, and lost my husband and my children…who am I?
Little by little, I am trying to strip down these layers I have become so used to. Stripping away all the things that supposedly define me, and finding out who I really am. It’s not an easy process because some of these layers have become so entangled that it feels like it forms part of your identity.
I look at my amazing father-in-law; pastor, motivational speaker, leader, wise, immeasurable knowledge, and funny! But he has suffered several strokes over the last few years, and it has affected his speech, his mental processing, his breathing, and his muscle-movements tremendously to the point where he can no longer pastor, struggles at times to process his thoughts, forgets, can’t move as he used to, and speaking to crowds has become a thing of the past.
These were also much of the things that defined him. Stripped away. And without these as crutches, I can see he is struggling to find his place, his identity, his worth.
Fact vs Truth
I remember earlier this year, I struggled with depression and while in one of my deep holes, someone made me aware of the difference between FACT and TRUTH. And it changed my life.
The fact is – I have dark circles under my eyes. My skin is blemished. Make-up helps me to fix these things.
The truth is – I am beautiful. I was created perfect in my imperfections. Even on my worst skin-day, my husband will still choose me above all others. (Except maybe Keira Knightley)
The fact is – I packed a seriously unhealthy lunchbox today. Other moms will most likely judge his leftover KFC, packet of fruitloops and half a banana. I should have gone to the store earlier.
The truth is – I packed my son lunch today. He has food. We had a crazy day, car broke down, had to get takeaways for dinner, and I just forgot. I am still a darn good and amazing mother.
In all situations, there is the fact of the matter, but the facts aren’t always the truth. The truth will look deeper than the skin-deep facts that we so easily get caught up in. The truth will always shine the light of positivity, as to which the facts don’t care. Does that make sense?
No Make-Up Thursday
I decided to take one day in the middle of the week – while I still have things to do and people to see – and not wear any make up. Like, zilch.
It was incredibly eye-opening. I didn’t really feel like I could (or should!) go out of the house. What are people going to think!? I kept apologising to my husband, reassuring him (perhaps more myself?) that it’s only one day. But this wonderful husband of mine would kiss me and tell me I am beautiful. And proved it by showing me.
Does my beauty come from Revlon? Does MAC define my identity? Or do I believe that I am wonderfully and beautifully made? Does my beauty come from inside? Am I a good person? Am I happy? Do others like being around me, and do I make them feel good about themselves? Because that would make me beautiful.
So yes. I won’t wear make-up on Thursday. Because who I am is enough.
I am Enough.
There is a couple of books next to my bed at the moment, one of which is Steven Furtick’s Crash the Chatterbox. It deals with canceling out all the other voices around you, and inside your head, and thereby training yourself to listen to truth.
It’s a good place to start if you are unsure as to where you can even start.
I am still on this journey to cancelling out all the noise. Still trying to (re)discover who I am, and find my identity solely in the One who created me. I don’t want my make-up, my job, my family or anything else to define who I am, or make me believe that I have to do more, be more, or cover up the beauty that is already inside.
This journey starts with me saying, “I am enough.”
Let’s start with that, and I promise, for at least one day, I’ll believe it. And see where it takes us.