I’ve been married for 12 and a half years. Having a husband is the most incredible feeling, the most frustrating “job” and the safest space in the world. Not everyone experiences it that way, and that’s OK. We started dating when I was 18 years old, dated for 4 years before we tied the knot. So in a mere 2 years time, I would have been with my husband longer that I’ve been without him. How incredible is that?
The Early Days
When we were dating and Juan would mention how tired he was after a long week, I would literally jump to my feet, and offer to massage his shoulders. We would “fight” over who is making who coffee, because we both totally wanted to serve the other.
Driving an hour, sometimes an hour and a half in traffic to bring me medicine, was no biggy. He would often bring me flowers, and I would change my plans to travel with him if he had to teach somewhere. I often told him how proud I was of every accomplishment, and asked about his work. And really listened.
Fast-Forward 10 Years…
We have four kids, moved 7 times, changed careers twice, and lost two pets, one baby, and one parent. It takes its toll on any relationship. And every so often, I would find my husband and I living as roommates. No fights, but no relationship either. We were hurt, tired, over-worked, over-burdened, and unsupported. And that, my precious friend, as some of you unfortunately already know, get’s lonely.
So after a couple of seriously hard confronting and gentle stirring, and showing undeserved love, we came back to a beautiful place where our marriage is able to not only survive, but thrive.
We see our husbands as strong, logical and factual. Not emotional or nurturing. Well, not like we need. But they need love just as much as we do. And every man understands that in a different way. (Just like no two women are the same or understands love the same way.) But all men need to feel loved, respected, valued, safe, and wanted.
So here I’m sharing a couple of things that might just change your marriage if you consistently try and say the following to your husband.
You Husband Needs To Hear
- that you love him. You need to say the words, and make sure he is seeing, feeling and hearing what you mean
- that you respect him. In fact, he needs to hear this more than the love. Tell him, that as a man, you not only love him, but you respect him. And that he stands a head taller than others.
- that you value his sacrifice to work so his family can have enough. Tell him that you know he’d much rather spend time with his kids and wife, but that you see his sacrifice.
- that you enjoy being his wife. He needs to hear that you are content in your marriage and truly enjoy just being with him. Let him know you would do it all over again even if circumstances were different.
- that you’re attracted to him. Say it when he’s not expecting it. Say it when he’s making his breakfast. Say it as he gets in the car. Tell him how good he smells and how that does things to you.
- that you believe in him. We should always be their biggest supporters. When your husband is facing one of life’s many setbacks, this is a secret weapon to help him feel empowered to stay the course.
- you apologise. This gets harder and harder as we grow more comfortable and set in our ways and marriage. Admit when you get it wrong, but more than that tell him when he’s right. Exercising humility at this level, keeps the marriage healthy and lets your husband know that he’s more important than your pride.
Your words are powerful. It can make or break. And has the safe effect on your marriage. Chose to let your words have a powerful and uplifting and strengthening effect on your marriage from today onwards.
And as a last bonus, one last thing I like to ask my husband every now and then is, “What can I make you for dinner“ – Asking my husband if there is anything special that he would like for breakfast, lunch or dinner (or even dessert) really let’s him know that I desire to please him and make him happy. Many times he doesn’t have anything special because I usually stay with the meals that I know we all enjoy, but on occasions, he has been quick to say that he was hungry for something. Wouldn’t that make you feel special?
I challenge you to try at least one of these per day with your husband for the next week, and see if it does not change something in your marriage. If you needs some help, read this. For a minute remember how you would do all of these gladly while you were dating…and how special your husband would feel with your all-around love.
All my love,